Excerpt from Bullshit people roundup

“don’t let what other people think, stop you from doing the things you love.”

Welcome back to the thunderdome, kids. Today we’ll be delving into the world of personalities, specifically shitty ones. Before we get started, I would like to acknowledge up front that I probably fall into several of these categories to some people, so this isn’t a judgment so much as it’s an absolute “go fuck yourself people who are any of these things or have a problem with me in any way whatsoever” because I am a delicate flower.

I’m glad that’s out of the way. Consider subscribing please. I haven’t eaten in days.

Without further ado (okay, quick side note: people who write this as adieu…Um, what the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve got enough education to be able to pluck a word out of another language but not enough to know that it’s the totally wrong word? Jesus. You just made this list too). Anyway, here are some, but not all, of the totally bullshit people out there:

Well meaning

These ones are first on the list for a reason and that reason is that they’re the absolute worst of all of these people. They only have your best interests at heart. They’re telling you what to do, what to eat what to wear when to not do this or that and it’s all because they care so much. It’s definitely not in any way about them trying to exert a little bit of control that they don’t have over their own souls to somehow prop up their own self worth like their ‘well meaningless’ is some kind of shitty balustrade.

It’s not a lack of being able to commit to things, even simple things in their own lives, or a fear that keeps them very conservative and docile. It’s because they care about you. And they’ll never stop letting you know it and they’ll never stop feeling proud of themselves that they gave you the tough talk you needed. Nevermind that no one has ever walked away from a scolding and been like “yo, good points. I’m gonna quit doing heroin, or gambling, or fucking my cousin.” these people know what’s best for you and will never let you forget it.

In my experience you know when you’re fucking up. If fucking up bothers you, you’ll fix it and if it doesn’t, you’re good too, ya fuckup. Just keep being you and ride that train til’ it starts to make you real nervous. Then you’ll become part of camp one (or you’ll die, but whatever. On a long enough timeline we all live for a goddamn blip and that’s all, so who really cares as long as you're not hurting anyone).

SOOOOO, where does a ‘well meaning’ friend come into play here and make either of these situations different? The answer is “go mind your own business. I’m doing my thing over here and one way or another my soul sort it out.”

Explaining, pedantically, to a grown person what they need to be doing is an insult. ALWAYS. You think you’re well meaning? You’re a dick, and this is about you, not the person you’re talking to. Yes, EVEN if they’re doing something stupid or bad. It’s about you. You are a self important narcissist taking joy in knowing what’s best for others. And it sucks.

In the words of the mighty Sean Nader: “Don’t tell me what to do.”

Cruel

I mean, kinda goes without saying that being cruel sucks, right? That’s kind of the definition of the word. Anyone who bullies someone, puts someone down for any reason (appearance, money, friends, station in life, etc) is obviously a bullshit person, but the thing that makes this particular brand of bullshit person so odious is that they enjoy it immensely.

Cruelty is usually thought of as torturing a dog or something but it’s just as cruel to laugh at the fat girl in the food court who’s just trying to enjoy her ice cream as you walk by. Cruelty is a totally hatable (and I’d even argue shit-beat-out-of able) offense. The world is cruel enough as it is. We don’t need you mocking the executive assistant because she couldn't afford some nicer shoes, you complete asshole.

Enjoying inflicting harm is about as lame as it gets, so cruelty gets a big thumbs down from me, yo.

the ugly ones

I’ve discussed this before, but being ugly, like real real ugly, like…if even your mom has to step back and concede that maybe it was a bad genetic take, it’s a disease. There’s no way around it. It’s a brutal brutal condition that will never get any easier to navigate. It’s truly heartbreaking, because, like most diseases, you really didn’t do anything; it just attacked and destroyed you and it’s not fair. Just like having cancer isn’t fair or being born with AIDS, or being born stupid isn’t fair, being ugly is a dickpunch on a cosmic level.

I mean, imagine being born just ass ugly: crooked eyes, brown teeth, bald in that weird way, saggy jowly skin etc) and, let’s throw something good in there too: having a huge dong and somehow trying to figure out how to get the word out about it. It’s not even worth trying. Even a gigantic dick can’t save the ugly, yo.

All of these things are the kinds of shit that make people who suffer from ugly (and before you say it, I know i’m no prize or anything, so save it. I’m aware that i’m gross) become very angry with god (good luck cashing that check, btw) but being ugly tends to also make people mad at other people.

This creates a weird feedback loop where people think ugly people are mean because ugly people are constantly shat upon because ain’t no one want to look at them, and hey, that would make anyone mean. Of all the types of people on this list…

aaaah! That’s it folks. If you like what you’ve read here, consider subscribing. This shit isn’t even half of this particular article. Thanks for reading. I appreciate it