Excerpt from Jobs I'd like to try
“If you want to shine like sun first you have to burn like it.”
Hola amigos, I’m coming at you from the mighty mountains of the Wild West, specifically Colorado. Now, I know it’s been a while since I rapped at ya but sheeeeeit, I been on the road just trying to get by as best as I can. As I write this, the Supreme Court has just unveiled their decision to overturn Roe v Wade, and lemme tell you, brothers and sisters, there’s enough ink that’s already been spilled out there on this topic, so I’m gonna go a different direction, as is my way.
Let’s begin. If you want to read this whole bit, mash that subscribe button, folks. Also, this blog makes a great gift for someone you love, someone you like or someone you hate. Trust me on this one folks.
I have a few jobs. I like them all for the most part, but jobs, as a rule, are called jobs for a reason, and they can always cause stress, anxiety and general pains in one’s ass at a moment’s notice. I could tell you about my jobs and what’s good and what’s bad about them (if you’d like that, hit me up in the comments and I’ll do whatever you say) but today I’m gonna take a look at some jobs that I’m wildly unqualified for (for the most part) that I would really like to try, with the understanding that no one dies or gets hurt in this fantasy world of mine here.
Let’s begin. It would be cool to be an…
I don’t like the idea of all the math and geometry you’ve gotta stay well versed in to be an architect and there’s a little romance lost now that the draft table has been replaced by software, but it would be cool to design a big stupid building and then get to watch a bunch of poor fuckers who have to make it to your bullshit specifications risking their lives and shit just because you wanted to make an 80 story hotdog or something, don’tcha think?
The best part about being an architect is not the series of crazy late nights full of self doubt, nor is it watching your masterpiece take shape, it’s being able to tell people at cocktail parties that you’re an architect. It carries a certain kind of artistic mystery that is usually not a hallmark of math based pursuits. Sure, you’re a total asshole if you’re an architect for the most part, but hey, you earned it, mr Roark.
I just want one day as an architect where I open my computer, pull up the drafting software, yell at my assistant that I’m going out and then head to the nearest upscale bar or cocktail party where I can tell everyone in earshot that I am, in fact, an architect. Sounds fun. You know what also sounds fun?
This one is pretty obvious, right? But there are some considerations. Now I’m not talking about performance anxiety per se, let’s pretend we get past that and it’s not the world’s shortest workday as a porn actor. I’m talking about this:
Everyone, no matter how much they love their job, has days when they just absolutely don’t want to go to work. I mean, I’m in a rock band, and if my mood is wrong or i’m not feeling well, it doesn’t matter that there are 1000 people out there that actively like me, I’m sick or worried about bills or my kids or interpersonal band relations or whatever but I’m also the host of a big party that I’ve been hired to make sure everyone has fun at. That can be taxing, even though it seems ridiculous to complain about something as objectively cool as being a performer that people want to pay to watch. But it’s a real thing and it’s compounded by the fact that people don’t understand and kinda go “oh, boo fucking hoo dude. I work in a tile store,” as though that has any impact on my very real life experience and subsequent compendium of things that upset me on whatever scale (rare as that is…and for the record, I ALWAYS love being on stage unless there are terrible technical problems or my voice is wrecked. It’s the lead up to it that can sometimes be draining.
(Also, does the tile store guy not get to have bad days either because there’s a guy who shovels dog corpses into a furnace down the road? And does that guy not get to ever be upset because there’s a dude in Angola that runs a youth death squad and his jeep has the check engine light on in the middle of the savannah and the other warlords are on his tail, kicking up dust in the rearview and shooting at the back of said jeep?
For all of us: you’re allowed to be frustrated with your situation, no matter what that situation is. Life should not be a dick measuring contest based on hardship. It should just be based on dick length.
(Wait…what were we talking about again? Ah yes).
Which brings me to fuckin.’ Look, you don’t wanna go to work at a factory, I get it. You don’t wanna go to work in the kitchen today? I get that. But having to fuck someone you don’t want to fuck is a (pardon the repetitiveness of this) total mindfuck.
What if they smell, what if they’re unattractive to you, what if you and the other person just straight up don’t get along. What if you fucking HATE each other? What if you’re being pressured to do things you’re uncomfortable with that aren’t deal breakers but they’re things you’d rather not be a part of. What if you get exhausted and they won’t let you stop? The list goes on and on here.
That said though, it looks a lot like getting paid to bang beautiful people from where I stand, and that sounds pretty righteous.
comic book artist
I love comic books. I used to be obsessed with the paneling as a way to move the story (as in, the panels can actually make the story come alive in a spatial vector trajectory sense). Here’s a long panel that signifies two people are far away from one another. This can also be done in a bizarrely more complex, 2 normal panels that kind of seamlessly blend together to form a large horizontal image even though they’re theoretically different panels. this style could be utilized to highlight (for example) that these two people are not just physically far apart but mentally in completely different worlds.
Or a long vertical panel to show that someone is falling or that they’re tiny under a huge monolith, or that batman or whomever is swooping in from on high. Shit’s super cool.
Here’s the thing though, I can’t draw for shit and I DEFINITELY can’t draw action style. If I made a comic it would be more like Johnny Ryan but vastly worse. Still I love comics and I’d like to have the apparatus around me to create one. I think it would be stressful and it’s way out of my skill set, but I bet that shit is fun as hell.
What I’m saying is let’s collaborate on a comic book. And what I mean by that is let me come up with everything, like the story, the words and how people look and then you do the actual work. I could get into this.
the guy that just kind of comes up with what a video game should be
Hear me out, there’s gotta be a guy who is like the creative director or whatever at a…
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