Excerpt from 'you don't wanna fuck with shady'

bend down and unbutton your bra. it was the biggest titties that...

Hi everyone, I know it’s been a long time since I rapped at ya, but I’ve been on tour. It was amazing to get out there and feel my brain and soul and body finally start working again. As means of a pretty lazy segue, let’s just say I was out there playing my own brand of insurgent music and it was like stepping back into free society after being shackled for almost two years and just kinda finally letting shit roar, as it were.

Insurgent music is very important to me and I think to a lot of people. Sometimes insurgence can come in the form of hyper focused political statements and sometimes it can just be dirty stuff about tits and dicks or buttholes or whatever. Either way, whether you’re Chuck D or Wheeler Walker Jr, your songs run the risk of being seen as “offensive” by dorks, which is kinda the ultimate goal if you’re dealing in transgressive art, innit?

I suppose it’s crucial to point out that some shit is just offensive because it’s, oh, I dunno, super racist and/or stupid and that’s not cool at all. There’s nothing funny about a song making fun of trans people or jews or Asians or any of that shit, though it bears mentioning that those people are also creating art with the express purpose of pissing people off, so even though RaHoWa (a band whose name is short for racial holy war [eye roll emoji]) writes songs that are to me, and most other people, unlistenable, and not just because the sentiment is vile, but also because they suck metric tons of shit based on any rubric you’d care to employ…even though they are terrible, on some level they’re successful artists because they set out to make art that offends and here we are. Well, kind of. I’d be offended if they weren’t so bad that their unlistenability saves us all the trouble about having to make a choice about listening to them or not.

But ANYWAY, today we’re doing a round up of offensive songs. This list is in no way complete. They’re just some songs that I like for the most part, though there are some exceptions for sure.

The free excerpt is gonna be very short today because this is really a thank you to my paying readers for sticking with me even though I dipped out for a week or so there. Thank you so much. I love you all more than I can say.

If you’d like to become a paying member of team Bad Sandwich Chronicles Beyond Thunderdome, by all means get in there and subscribe. I’d love to have ya and art needs patrons and my children need wine.

Anyway, let’s get to this shit, fuck, kill whitey and so on…(also this will probably end up being a pretty decent playlist for the most part. Go ahead and make it on Spotify…or maybe I will. We see).

NWA: Fuck the police

This is probably my favorite insurgent/offensive song of all time. NWA is so awesome and the vision behind the group is incredible. This song is not only the mission statement of the group, but also a stone cold banger. Even if you take out all the anti cop/pro POC just hanging out on the streets stuff, you’ve still got lines where Cube straight up pronounces two words that already rhyme completely weirdly just because it’s cooler sounding (“searchin for the proda, thinking every n****a is selling narcota) or when he says “you’d rather see me in the pen than me and Lorenzo rollin in a benzo.” He could have said Benz there and it would have rhymed with pen. But instead, in both of these cases and many more in this song, he makes the most unexpected artistic choices and the result is high art. And that’s not even the main point.

The main point of this song is, of course, fucking the police and this song marks the first time that a lot of white America would be introduced to the notion that POC (particularly black folks) straight up view the police as an evil occupying army with bad intentions that’s been deployed to their neighborhoods.

Now, there are mental gymnastics you can for sure conduct if you want to avoid how real the reasons for these feelings are (it’s pretty obvious in the wake of 2021 that cops more or less hate anyone that’s not a thin blue line flag humping moron and thusly it’s not exactly like everyone gets along with the cops) and those same mental gymnastics were trotted out when Fuck the Police first came out:

“well, maybe if they didn’t commit so many crimes the cops wouldn’t have to use so much force” is kind of the main one you hear. Setting aside that this is not true, (statistics consistently show that crime rates are similar everywhere: white, black, rich, poor, you name it. It’s just different crimes) and if anything, beating people for no reason probably tends to make the beaten regard every single aspect of authority and law as bullshit. When you systemically put militarized boots on the ground in underserved neighborhoods where the cops are by design ordered to harass everyone, it’s not a stretch to get from “I don’t like the cops because they’re shitty to me and everyone I know” to “you know what, fuck the police and everything they stand for entirely.” This probably is the kind of attitude that leads to more crime and thus leads to more armored cop cars, but make no mistake: The cops and their reprehensible behavior are the chicken and the egg here.

Anyway, the main thing about this jam is that it pisses off the squares and the cops and it’s a fucking banger. NWA made an insurgent masterpiece with Straight Out of Compton. There’s only one other album that informed my worldview so much….speaking of:

Guns n Roses: It’s so easy

Appetite for Destruction is a monster of a fucked up pastiche of fucking, drugs, reckless driving and just, I don’t know…punching motherfuckers in the face? and when young me heard it, young me loved it deeply. This is the second song on the album. It’s so relentlessly filthy that just recalling it makes me feel like I’ve got rug burn on my knees, the taste of jizz and furniture polish in my mouth, a facefull of inhaled scotchguard a bloody nose, a cop behind me, a bottle of whiskey in my lap along with a woman with a black eye whose name I can’t remember.

The winning lyric in this song is the following:

aaaah. this is the end for you, my visiting friends. Feel free and please be encouraged to subscribe and see the rest. We even discuss a song I wrote called “old people” as well as Winger, the Misfits and more. Thanks for coming. Love to have you stay