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I was recently on my good buddy Sean Nader’s awesome podcast, which is entitled “Sean Nader’s Two Top Tens” and it was fun.

Basically, the idea was that each of us would pitch the other 10 new shows for the new tv season. We both did 11 anyway bc we’re both assholes. But here are my 10.

Reading em may be kinda fun, but listening is great. Give Nader’s podcast a listen. It’s spectacularly weird. My shows, on the other hand are beyond reproach. enjoy…

Glaxon and Maria: He’s a tiny floating robot from space, she’s a beautiful girl from Italy. They’re married and living in rural Arkansas. Which one of them is the bigger fish out of water? The answer may surprise you. 

Sex Cops: Boy, these cops sure love sex, huh? And this time, they won’t take no for an answer. All the cringe inducing weirdness of Cop Rock, with a spicy romantic twist. Follow this wacky station house of cops as they fuck their perps and occasionally each other.

Make Me A Pig: This reality show explores the wild trend of people who have plastic surgery to look more like the animals they most closely identify with while making sure to never be exploitative towards our prime demographic, the otherkin community

Dirt Dick: As gritty as the wire, as twisted as Breaking Bad, Dirt Dick follows the titular lone drifter on a series of adventures as he walks the highways looking for his daughter. Think the Incredible Hulk meets Taken. Starring Tony Hale of Arrested Development fame as Dirt Dick

This Bitch: Don’t mess with this bitch, she’s seen some shit. Starring Rachel Dratch as Mavis the wise cracking, take no shit girl at the end of the block who isn’t afraid to tear it up in her insurance job either, This Bitch is a harrowing drama that’s not afraid to have a little fun here and there

Ghost Fam: They’re your perfect suburban family with a twist: they’re dead! A hologram of Patrice O’Neal stars as the patriarch of the Kennedy family as they navigate the afterlife, all the while being scared shitless by one another

Late Night With Rex: Rex is a talk show host. Rex is a comedian. Rex is a golden retriever. Witness his award winning interview style on this quirky variety show that’s not afraid to ruffle a few feathers

Shame, the Game: Get ready for this lightning round trivia hosted by Danny Trejo of Machete fame and Ellen Degeneres. Think a more esoteric version of Jeopardy with a personal stake: when you answer a question wrong, one of your dark secrets uncovered by our crack team of former CIA spooks will be exposed to the world. It’s everything you want in a show, educational as well as a shocking humiliation of people who will do anything to be on TV

Shit Chef: You think you have what it takes to go up against some of the best chefs in the country? In this new cooking contest we take some of the best chefs from around the world and have them face off but with a twist: every dish has to have at least one heavy dash of human feces in it. Cooking shows will never be the same.

Horrible Rich People Who Fuck: What happens when real housewives meets the bachelor? You get horrible rich people who fuck, the new hit show from Harvey Weinstein’s estate. They’re beautiful, they’re rich, they’re made of plastic. They throw vases and boy oh boy, do they fuck. Who will Sugar Plantation Heir Gavin fuck next week? You’ll have to tune in to find out

Kids and Dogs: Just in time for summer, it’s kids and dogs, the show that releases a pack of wild dogs into a summer camp that’s completely surrounded by razor wire. These plucky ten year olds won’t know what ate em! Part scripted, part reality, it’s as adorable as it is brutal.

Thanks y’all. Pls hit up your local network affiliate. No one should have to live without Shit Chef. See ya next time!